dementia praecox

How can I describe this feeling? A little bit of guilt mixed within something like love but tinted with a little something which causes me sniffles from all the feeling of being cherished and treated well of.

People must think I am an attention grabber, from all my outward, loud, hyper personality. But not many people really know me for me. Maybe I am just afraid to share that much. Like Cindy said in her previous entry, our life is like playing a game. The game of life; where every step we took is like a throw of the dice. Everyone play the same game, and the throws, whether good or bad will bring you to the end. I told her, pray hard that you don’t land in the ‘car accident’ square, or the ‘lawsuit’ one… Like it or not, the ‘throws’ were ultimately made by you, with or without anyone’s influence. I realized that thinking positively is very important, so if I made any depression statements again, please go ahead and shoot me. *grins*. The main point is that the journey is made more ‘happening’ from the people who travel with you and aren’t I glad for those.

The country was recently surrounded by illness, and the news of a great someone dying made me think really hard. Why stress over so much stuff? If we’d only relax, maybe we wouldn’t have done a lot of stupid things that we did. I was once a victim of peer pressure and stress so I know how that feels. I cannot blame it, but I do have to apologized to all the people I’ve hurt in the process. I need to thank all the people who hurt me in the process too, because without them, I would not be what I am.

Why this long speech? Well, partly because I had the time since I am not working today and also because a few things that had been going on made me treasure my friends a lot more. Recently I met my Craig baby at a café and he actually looked at me, did a double take, gasped very gaily and exclaimed, “Ah! Jo! My CD!!!” Never mind that we’ve not met for like seven years and I barely recognized him. Seriously, the whole café’s population was like looking at us then. Oh, and he hugged me. Like a bear hugging its cub, or, a murderer killing his victim. LOL Two hours later, I finally got the gist of his greeting and I was further embarrassed by his crying. Seems random to my topic? Not at all, the CD was Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Craig was so upset that he cried in a public place. Which was really embarrassing, but that’s not the point. The point is, Craig loved that man. I went back after that and got him that Thriller CD. Even though it was a birthday gift from him, but I think he needed it more than me now.

My world was surrounded by Chinese music. Had always been so since before I was born. My Mum listens to the radio a lot and she only knows Chinese. We are what you typically called a Chinese speaking family. English was not even a second language. I know Malay before I know English because my Mum’s from Malaysia. I’ve been singing Chinese and Malay songs before I even heard about English. M.J is not the one that got me to listen to English pop; I had BSB, Boyzone and Spice Girls to thank for that. However, he’s the first one that got me interested in singing in falsetto, and as you’d probably guessed; dancing. Unfortunately, I found out a long time ago that I danced like a cardboard gorilla so I stopped. But the falsetto, helped earned enough to support a kid’s reckless lifestyle back then. She’s learned a lot of life teachings from it too. So she’s grateful for that. Michael was the first to prove to me that there’s such a thing as a female voice in a guy, and vise versa. (That’s what I thought it was called, the term ‘falsetto’ I learned way later when I got into listening to opera.)

Speaking of which, I can no longer sing. The report’s out, I misused my vocal chords and damaged it. I can no longer hit notes like I used to and it made me painfully numb. I cried outside the doctor’s office.

Anyway, back to M.J. I read somewhere about this Jordan Chandler that pissed me off. He accused Michael of asking sexual favors from him. Did I mention I hate his kind? It’s considered betrayal, asshole! I hope you have nightmares, idiot. Another idiot I have to mention, Lori Drew. She should grow up. Using the net to bully someone is childish. Bullying your 13 year old female neighbor is childish. Causing her to hang herself… You are a mother too! What if it’s your child? Poor Megan Meier, losing her life so early; and the judge said, “… tentatively granting the defense motion to throw out the convictions and would render a final, written opinion at some point in the future.” Like WTF. 请还她一个公道。

Onward to another subject that almost made me cry, writing. How long have I stopped? Iwai-san, you are F.T.W.! Can I tell you how much I love you like again? I will continue writing even if you’re the only one to read my works. I promise. Here’s the conversation that got me sniffles. So this extra long entry is partly your fault too. *pouts*I did mention I don’t have many friends, didn’t I? My Mum says that’s good because she can have more tables for relatives at my wedding. *roll eyes* That’s taking it a bit too far right!?! I don’t even have a boyfriend! Like where did the comment come from? Oh, I remember, lots of second degree friends / colleagues getting married. Please don’t ask me when I am going to get a boyfriend next Chinese New Year, or God helps me…

Anyway, I am going out later to have dinner. We are going to eat crabs!!! I love seafood and I think that being a Singaporean means you have the advantage of being in the food haven so you should enjoy all the variety of food you can get here.

Last thing before I go, Girl and Boy Generation is so kawaii!!! FTW as well. Btw, SNSD’s Genie (mini album) is out. I am a happy rabbit and I am signing out~

Labels: Fangirling, Foodies, News 5 Tonight, Ponders, Rants