dementia praecox

Hi all, welcome yonder. Thanks for making my life so rich and fun filled. This will be the last post of this blog, as I am tired of the agonising minutes taken to publish and republish. Gosh look! Its been what? 4 years!?! Birthday's just over, and realise that I am finally 21. It was passed rather peacefully (except for the Fish & Co rap part *blushes*). Anyway, thanks dajie for making the effort of not dropping the cake. Wahaha think I will let the joke of easy? No-ope! Will say these for years to come, like Xiao Ser's "Duh!" and Cin's a lot of other jokes la~ Anyway, back to birthday. Want to thank my poly brudders and sistas for making my birthday so special! Ice-cream cake! The very first in my life! What can I say I am a easily satisfied person. Must also thank Drew, Gene, Pat they all. Was feeling rather down that day, but they cheered me up and pulled me thru. Thanx for the perfume! The bottle is lovely! *laughs* Oh and how can I forget colleagues? Thank for covering my butt(or not) and thanks for the elephant plushie. I will thus knight it - Elpho. Elpho is very cute you know, wahaha. Plus Mummi, Ris and Med hor~ Like finally go down to play settler's again. So good the feeling of being ard close buddies. *smiles*

Of course when we talk about birthdays, how can we miss out Fish Fish? Wahaha Happy happy birthday yah. Okay, maybe I should say belated by now? Thanks for the dinner, the fun talks and the *wahahaha* act gay! I was totally beside myself la~ But, I was a naturally touchy-feel-ly person from the start. If you're *ahem* at the wrong place at the wrong time, you will know. (In this case, Pat, Drew, Gene *my very willing demo volunteer* and Kai)

Lebon had always commented that Sycry is a cuddler >_<"'

Was doubting myself again these few weeks, what with people all around me getting into uni. Kept pondering about whether I should further studies and such, but cannot focus. "Follow your emotions!" Odin Lowe once told Heero Yuy, and he did so; thus saving Earth. But I am not the 'Perfect Soldier' and I guess, to some extend, I don't want to, especially not holding my heart out where someone can easily break it again. Functional wise, I think I should get a cert, to process me along if you get what I mean but seriously, what I want, I cannot get. So why bother?

I had been thinking, I kinda reached a bottle neck or something. Like again. Remember that blank out period in secondary four, so near to the exams and suddenly its like I forgot how to even eat and sleep, let alone understand formulas and equations. My English totally went downhill and stopped to my relief, 1 grade away from the original mark. Arts suffered. I couldn't write a story to save my life at that point of time! I flunked Literature for my mids. The horror... And now, Dajevu~ *shudders* I didn't know why, its like the volcano erupted or something and its scaring me, cause, the last time, it took 16 years. Bloody 4 years later it happened again! When next? 2 years later? Sheesh! I hope its just a false alarm. Don't think I can handle not functioning, not thinking, rotting, no creativity, no strength, no control and no protection / security.

I miss the old me, who dared fight bullies, I want me back, he who is eloquent, witty, confident and smiles. I want the strong me back, not the wimpy, tired, OLD, frustrated, stressed-out, stabbed, broken shell of a me. I hate hiding in the blanket, shivering from the cold; the inner cold that blankets and hot soup couldn't cure. I hate reaching out in my sleep, to only encounter the pillow. I miss the times I wake up, to the feelings of a warmth; Arms wrapped around; encircling, heart beat in sync. The feeling of the soft thump-thumping against my back. The feather soft breath lightly caressing my neck. Oh my god.... now I sounded desperate. Hey! Maybe Shinigami is right! I do need to get laid! LOL

Speaking of getting laid, I do think I need extra affection... So anyone need a rent-a-girlfriend? Wahaha now I'm crapping. Gee~ next I will be posting ads for lovers *bleh*

On a lighter note, I will start a new blog. If you are thinking about the Chinese one, no. Chinese blog is for me to, vent my quirks, make sure my plot bunnies get fed, say stuff I don't feel eloquent enough to say in English, or just to write. Thoughts that I had been pondering about, that I feel like expressing but cant seem to put on paper. *laughs* Must be the Chinese dictionary beside me giving the stress.

So, until then, stick with this extra long post ( or if you can read Mandarin go to the Chinese blog) this is cMjW (aka Cyrus Maxwell Jonas Woon) signing out.

#*#*# This blog had been officially archived #*#*#

Labels: Birthday Post, Notification, Rants, Weirdology